Mindful Parenting
Parenting is, in my opinion, the most complex and important job out there! We are responsible not only for the physical needs of our children but also for their emotional wellness and overall health. Meeting a child's emotional needs is hands down the most complicated aspect. Assuming the basic needs of love, shelter, food, clothing, and safety are met, we can still be sideswiped by unexpected changes or massive feelings from our little ones that we just weren’t expecting!
Navigating Emotional Wellness
When we, as parents, have grown up in chaotic and unsafe homes (leading to childhood traumas and forming unconscious beliefs and behavioural patterns), it can be especially difficult and triggering to navigate our children's emotions. This can bring out frustrations we didn’t know we had and create a vicious cycle of guilt and shame if we aren’t aware. We might unconsciously parent the way we were parented, even if we’re more aware than previous generations.
Being Gentle with Ourselves and Our Children
We must be gentle with ourselves as parents while being as aware as possible of our children’s inner world and emotions. When a child has big feelings, they need to know the adult in their life is capable of holding those feelings in safety and love. This can be virtually impossible if we aren’t comfortable with our own emotions. (Hello therapy and goodbye shame, mumma! You all know I am a huge believer in therapy for any and everyone, especially parents wanting to break generational cycles.)
The best thing we can do for our children is to SEE them as the unique and magnificent individuals they are. They are not an extension of us; they are their own person with their own unique way of expressing themselves. If crying or “negative” emotion was never allowed in our own homes as children, big emotions in our children may be scary for us. That’s okay! It’s okay to feel like we don’t know what we are doing, because most of the time, we don’t.
Calling in Presence and Connection
This is when we call in presence, patience, and loving connection to exactly what is. We allow our children to feel all of their feelings, big or small, in a non-judgmental and safe space of love. We don’t have to worry about anything else for this moment aside from letting our child express their emotions and continuing to let them know they are safe and loved no matter what. It’s helpful to connect by saying something like, “I understand how you must be feeling, and I would feel the same. I could also cry right now” (or if they are yelling or screaming or whatever the emotion is). This lets our children know they are worthy, accepted, and safe to feel.
Avoiding Shame and Seeking Help
Children who grow up feeling shame around emotions often become unhealthy adults needing therapy. There is no shame in asking for help. There is countless support out there that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg—books, support groups, podcasts, etc.
The Importance of Play
Another important aspect of cultivating connection with our children is to connect in ways they recognise. This always involves play in one form or another. Believe me, this is crucial for them and for us! Through play, we get to know our beautiful children and allow them to be themselves authentically. During play, children naturally let their guard down, talk, and open up without anything being forced. This builds trust and confidence, giving them the core belief that they matter and deserve connection.
Building Personal Connection
Humans need connection throughout our lives. When children don’t get a healthy dose of connection at home, they grow up self-isolating or internalising their feelings. It’s safer than reaching out because they believe, at their core, no one cares, and they are better off alone. Those core beliefs can be a real challenge if not attuned and cared for. In the digital age, it’s more important than ever to build personal connections with our children without technology, connecting heart to heart.
Healthy Boundaries
It’s also important to have healthy boundaries for our children. Our number one job as parents is to keep our children safe in all aspects. Sometimes, boundaries mean letting our children experience boredom, sadness, and other emotions they need to navigate as they grow. It can be hard to let our kids down, but it’s harder to give in to every demand or desire just to please them in the moment.
Healing Our Own Wounds
Making sure we are healing our own wounds and being aware of our triggers before reacting is crucial for our children's healthiest life and view of themselves. Being outdoors can instantly connect a parent and child, lifting spirits, getting us out of our minds, and allowing us to find presence in the moment.
Seeking Support
If you are struggling in any way, I am here to help and support you, whether that means a session with me or directing you to someone more qualified for your needs.